Writings

Home Life

Being here is fun.

Dad cracks jokes. We all tease each other and laugh out loud a lot. We communicate what we are trying to get our minds around in this great but small world of ours. We talk about food and movies and art and politics and economics and sustainability and religion and faith. They talk about sport. We fumble over our words, but fill in the gaps naturally – as we all think alike. It doesn’t matter if your words don’t match up to your thoughts. Family is the place to spill these things out. Refine ideas. Practice speaking. There is no safer place and no better place to crash a little and laugh at yourself. Love is all around.

As I listen to them I see myself at that age: passionate, questioning, struggling to come to terms with a world that is not what was expected. And it’s a journey that is all your own. It must come from within. We each must learn our own ways of dealing with life, ways that are unique to each of us.

We sit together in front of the blazing fire which filled the winters of my youth. The fire we cooked fish soup on once, baked apples in tin-foil many times, slow-cooked marshmallows and sometimes crispy fried them in blue flames. They are the younger three and there was some sort of divide growing up. The three eldest stumbled through study, travel, career choices, moving out, relationships, children. We married around the same time, we all have children. I think that these younger ones have learned from us. They saw us blunderbuss our way through our young twenties. They saw us having kids young and, naturally, they have turned their hands to other things. They have learned from our fashion errors. They each dress very well.

The three youngest are comfy here. It’s like a different home. It’s pretty relaxed. Confident, intelligent, attractive, gloriously refreshing. They’re all adults now. I really like them. They are great people. They are fun to be with. I’m really treasuring this time.

It’s not always you can enjoy your original family again when you have begun your own. It’s nice to put the kids to bed each night and have some of the best ‘adult’ conversation you can get on tap – conversation with family, people so connected to you – it’s in the blood.

I’m a lucky girl and I know it.

(I think I’ve finished my essay now. Just some reviewing to do. Time to study for exams! I am loving this study thing. One subject is just enough. I could not do more without regretting the time spent away from my children. As it is I can easily work this in around them with very few babysitting engagements. An important value for me.)

May 14, 2013
Touch-in

Hi Friends. Just a quick note to keep in touch. We have been sick with colds. Henry and I have been keeping at things on the bus. We were distracted by a mate who was supposed to help build but mostly just drank beers and talked. That was a bit of a slow day, and we can’t have too many like that or progress will be much too slow.

Last week we spent some time with my 86 year old Nonna, which was actually quite amazing. Even though our time in Canberra was jam packed with work and band related business spending our evenings being a blessing to her, just being with her, was such a blessing to us. Looking around her home she has been very diligent about getting rid of the things that just clutter some houses, so there is a lot that used to be there that is no longer there, things that I miss because I remember them. Extra utensils that are not there to cook with. What does grow in number are photos. Photos are filling her walls, shelves, bench-tops. Memories are the currency of old-age.

Reading her walls is like reading a family history and being surrounded by my cousins and brothers throughout our childhoods and important milestones. Nostalgic.

We are returning to Canberra again tomorrow, but not socially. Henry is whizzing in and out for work and I will stay on until I finish my Essay. I am writing on Recycling and to be specific the National Kerbside Recycling Strategy. Exciting stuff. No, actually, I am finding it fascinating. I am interested in policy development down the track and so this is in keeping with that aim.

Today I fibreglassed the back roof panel and scraped more paint off of the roof. Henry has now decided that we will use paint-stripper which will cut down time spent on the roof, but is not as environmentally friendly as simply using elbow grease. And I actually was enjoying the quiet, rhythmic nature of paint scraping, all alone up there on my roof with the sounds of birds and rustling leaves and distant power tools. It was a good chance to make up some songs.

Ah well. Can’t have everything. Sometimes efficiency is desirable.

In other news over the week I had a few parenting realisations. I have wondered for some time why it is that adults often feel they can talk to children in ways they would never talk to other adults and they feel they can talk to their own children in ways they would never talk to other peoples children.

Living here in this house is refining my parenting. I am more patient, because I am always surrounded by other adults, but I am also becoming firmer. Living in another persons house means my children (and I) need to respect this house’s rules. And where I absolutely do not care if my kids jump on my lounge, bang on my table, run around the house noisily but happily, draw on the cement (with chalk, of course), don’t eat all their meal (I just leave it til later)…I’m really quite casual with the rules, probably because I don’t like rules myself. Here, though, there are rules, and there is the natural respect of eating what others cook you and this is the first time we’ve ever really eaten around a table as a family so there is learning to be done. Sophia has taken to saying impertinent things to Grandpa and laughing inappropriately which often comes across as plain rude. After talking with her I realised that it wasn’t out of deliberate disrespect, she simply did not know when Grandpa was joking or being serious, and she was just trying to join in with the adults, with her family. ‘But, Grandpa sometimes jokes.’ she said to me, quite puzzled. Ah ha! It clicked into place. Even now it takes me a bit of concerted effort to think whether someone is being sarcastic or serious, being rather gullible myself, and so, for a child these kinds of subtleties can easily be lost. Sophia’s understanding of a lot of the men in her life for a lot of the time is that usually they ‘joke’. That’s what guys do.

So, it’s all part of the learning, and it always fascinates me that if you delve a little deeper with a child unseen questions or answers pop up to the surface. Not every thing is what it seems through our adult eyes. And that is why it is never good to simply (over) react to a child’s behaviour, it is better to step back, query, discuss, dig deeper, get the ‘ah ha’ moment. That’s relational life education. And I love it. It’s challenging and way more satisfying than just trying to ‘make‘ a child do just what you want them to do.

I like seeing their decisions come out of their own understanding, my job just being to broaden their understanding.

I am also seeing quite clearly that children will most likely do what you do & become what you are rather than do what you say and therefore I have a new rule: Speak to your children they way you would like to be spoken to!

May 9, 2013
Bus Update

I know so many of you want to know how progress on our bus is going and although we are taking bets on when she will actually be ready, I will have you know: things are coming together and we may yet surprise you all…and ourselves.

Here is the children’s playground of choice while Henry and I work. I like having them so near to us while we work and I try to involve them when I can, but when the job involves toxic fumes or power tools then it’s definitely a no-no to even think it.

A big job, which took me all of a day to do, was to get into every crevice and vacuum up the accumulated dust of 35 years. It was only slightly rewarding as most things looked the same after the vacuum.

This has been a time of firsts, first time angle grinding, first time using a table saw, first time drilling, first time belt sanding, first time using that paint chiselling power tool thingummyjig and first time using a rivet gun. Using the rivet gun was rather fun and I now know how rivets work – never knew that before – I likened it to craft, but the boys did not like that at all.

Here below is our fantastic insulation and my(then Henrys takeover) job of riveting a panel BACK ON, no way, we are up to that stage! eee.

My main activity over the past week has been bogging, sanding, vacuuming the floor and then rebogging, resanding, revacuuming the floor.

But, in the end all those patches turned into one large patch of white. A clean slate. That floor is now ready to build onto.

For the moment my driving ‘cab’ now looks like this:

But, be not deceived, this is actual partial progress. Even though this looks worse than it did it is actually better off as it is being improved.

We are now focusing on the roof, here is our ladder to the sky:

Henry’s plans, being sketched out on roof paint, and it did not take him long. In less than a day he designed, drew up and pieced together our decking base. A few days later his mate welded it, and but for a coat of paint on the roof they are ready for installation!

Here are the draws to our bed. Just a’waiting.

Have you ever seen a country home basement?

Well.

Forget Country Style, Real Living or Vogue. This is the real deal:

That is one practical, lived in, full of ‘stuff’ basement.

Dear Aunty Glenda had a home day today and she and the kids curled up and got cosy.

Why so engrossed?

Oh, the one and only of course! They went on their very own ‘Dora’ explore. Glenda drew up a map which even had the Dora formula of three locations: Home. Creek. Park! It was brilliant. Then I joined them and we all went on this explore together. Mid way I asked: ‘Where do we go next?’ and this is when I discovered this map. ‘Wait a minute,’ said Sophia so matter-of-factly, ‘I will just look at our map.’ And so she did and next we had to go over the creek. Which we did. Then we found the creaky, squeaky park and had a play. The kids have been missing our next-door park which we had in Sutton. We were there every evening during Summer, so it’s a big deal not to have one here. Not that there is any lack of fun to be had around these parts.

Finally, today and tomorrow we are doing roof work. We are hoping to get all of this done by about midday tomorrow because…

…these babies arrived today!

Finally! We are a proud Solar Owning Family. It actually feels really good to own our very own power generators. It feels amazing. We were the Computer Generation. Our kids are the Renewable Energy Generation! That is absolutely wonderful.

(a bit squinty, the sun was shining right into our eyes, and right onto those panels, just where we want it.)

May 1, 2013
Down below the paddock

Down below the paddock there is a creek which bends around a sharp corner in a fenced off no-mans-land. The first time I ever stayed at Henrys parents place, before Henry and I were ‘together’, we walked down here together very early one morning before anyone else was awake – incredible now that I know Henry, and I know he is not a morning person – So it’s a bit magical for me even though it is just a stagnant creek. It is a lovely little place. A bird haven. I have seen the White-Faced Heron, the Australian White Ibis, among the usual Australian birds. This little square paradise of secluded Australian bushland is full of birdsong.

The little cat here, Socks, follows us all the way down, if Sophia lets her walk. She mews around while the kids climb and balance and jump off of the large, fallen tree.

We’ve spent a little while adjusting. The kids settling into their new beds (a few unsettled nights), me adjusting to the large amounts of meat! Working boys need meat, apparently! There was a bit of a whinge after I almost served up my vegetarian curry feast two days in a row. Haha. Grandma came to the rescue with sausages!

It’s a great big place to be rattling around in, there’s enough room that no one ever has to step on anyone else’s toes. The kids have room to spread out their messes in the loungeroom, which is only ever used to watch TV on the massive screen. They have also been absorbing the busyness of the place. Grandma is a busy beaver. She has a quiet energy and it’s been great for Sophia to see that everyone is doing some work, and so she is getting in on the act. One night this week she let herself out on to the verandah after dinner. ‘It’s dark out there, Sophia, what do you need to go outside for?’ Asked Grandma. ‘I need to clean up my mess!’ She stated with great decision.

I gave it the raised eyebrow of approval and slight incredulity. This is a great leap forward. A social conscience is developing.

There is a lot for little kids to help with around here and between us we manage to keep them pretty occupied, or they keep themselves occupied and we are avoiding the TV as much as we can while I pick up some work on the bus, and help out around the house as I can.

Grandma is incredibly hospitable, and I am so grateful for her generosity and easy hospitality. I hope I can be just like it in my later years (if not now, of course.)

So dear friends came down for a couple of nights and again I am grateful as their presence, and Kyle’s hard work, gave us impetus to get into the bus. Now the ball is rolling and we have a solar hot water system coming, a fridge purchased, a solar system waiting to be bought and a deck almost made. I have paint waiting to be applied to the roof and we’ve bogged the floor ready for it to be painted also. The bed is about halfway made and I feel like all guns are firing and this bus will be built in no time!! It’s good to be positive, friends. :)

Here are some pics, because I know you like them.

I’ll take some really interesting bus photos for you today so you can see our progress. ;)

xo

A pre bedtime play with a new/old toy.

Here is part of the ‘orchard’. They have plum, quince, mulberry, apple, loquot, apricot, peach, nectarine and of course, cherry trees. I guess it would be criminal to live in Young and not have a cherry tree!

This part of the orchard is shining next to the rest of it. For the past year they’ve had chooks and ducks in this section and you can really tell that the trees are loving this symbiotic relationship. The trees attract the bugs and the birds eat the bugs. The poor bugs just suffer. The soil must also be thriving with all that poo and the trees are just so much better off for it. The difference is obvious.

Here we go, past the orchard down that long fence line right to the bottom of the paddock.

And Socks and Sophia. That cat is a miracle and Soph is learning to be gentle…

The big house past the orchard.

The chook shed looking across the width of their block of land.

Here’s our baby. The bus. Our friend said, ‘I don’t know if you could get better than that (colour wise).’ and she could be right. Apricot forever may she remain.

It was a rather wet morning this morning and I totally underestimated how sopping our feet would get.

‘Carry me, mummy! It’s too wet!’

Here we are, looking up toward the house from the very bottom.

And wet shoes and wet pants were kicked off to end that mornings little endeavour.

Another, sunnier, day we made it down to the creek.

Gunny with his little friend. She said to me when she arrived: ‘Where’s Gunny?’ and then ‘Gunny is “Gunsar”‘, yes, dear, you can call him ‘Gunsar’.

We made willow swings. I have a favourite memory of doing this in the willows near my home as a child. We tied two thick bunches of willow together to make a crude, bouncing swing. It was magical being up in the tree, surrounded only by leaves.

And of course, willow crowns.

Some kind of willow fairy.

Me being a bemused model. I don’t think I could ever be a model I don’t take myself or my looks seriously enough! Besides the not being a size 6 of course…

The end.

The sweetheart. Gunny had stalled – as he often does – and was sort of chirping about it. ‘Mummy, it’s too far.’ I probably called ‘come on, you can do it!’ (He does get a bit lazy sometimes, comes of being the youngest and me not having my arms full with the next baby).

I was thinking about the sun and the trees and seeing if I could get a nice picture of him in the field, meanwhile Sophia traipsed down and took him by the hand, helping him up the paddock. What a lovely sister she is.

April 28, 2013
Chinamans Dam

Chinamans Dam in Young, NSW is a quietly glowing sapphire on the Southern outskirts of the town. It is very close to where we are living at the moment.

As hubby is back in Canberra for the weekend the kids and I took a lazy Saturday morning picnic at the dam, fed the ducks, took some photos and paddled in the water.

This lion bears scars wrought by young Henry. That lower tooth is a falsie. I’m not sure how but somehow young Henry destroyed the original…!

Over the bridge into the heart of the garden is where the real magic happens. Bridges, waterfalls, boulders, they even managed a Japanesey type balancing rock structure in the middle of their little pond.

Winding paths lead to many intricate surprises. The garden is compact, but cleverly laid out, some leading to the tops of small waterfalls, others right to the waters edge, there are stone seats all along the way, and Miss Imp and Master Dashing were constantly delighted.

I really appreciated the layering of a variety of textures of leaf, bark, berries. Garden design is very similar to interior design (though, not so trendy), colour, texture, layout, it all plays a part.

Here’s a picture of a man with a mo to keep you happy.

And the girl with imp eyes.

xo

April 20, 2013
Judgement: Who needs it.

I’ve been thinking a little bit about judgement. Don’t ask me why. That’s not so important.

Suffice to say that, while I have tried to escape it probably for all of my life, I am still and continually surrounded by it. Whether judgement of me by others, observing judgement of others by others, sometimes (unfortunately) judgement of others by me (though I kick myself if I find myself doing this – and I do not condone it!!), etc.

I guess some judgement is good. We have to judge whether things are right or wrong for us. We need some kind of internal compass.

In the main, though, I tend to get rather fed up with blanket judgments.

The thing is I guess, none of us know where other people are coming from, what their backgrounds are, what peculiar circumstances they might be in.

I see younger people executing judgement and criticism on other people a lot more than older people and, thankfully, I am finding that as I grow older I am not so bothered by other peoples judgments of me and I am less inclined to judge other people…I also much prefer to believe the best of people.

I am struck by living in my husbands family home of how our upbringings influence us quite fundamentally. This is a large house and it is perfectly acceptable to raise your voice to talk to other people, because often you are shouting from the house to the shed or from upstairs to down below. To traverse everywhere to deliver messages in quiet, subdued tones would run you ragged. The Kings have ‘the King voice’ as I call it, and their normal is several tones louder than my loud. I grew up in a house where we were expected to be quiet.

Some families grow up with an overflowing pantry and so children from these homes will, in turn, fill their pantry & eat well. Others learn to eat very bland food when they are young and stay that way their whole lives. Some of my friends come from homes where time is a relative and a relaxed concept. I have really learnt to appreciate the rhythm of such a life, it is comfortable and relational, these people will stay to complete a conversation, no matter how banal, rather than rushing off to their next appointment. Other families live their lives around scheduled meetings and learn to be on time every time. Always prompt.

Sometimes we backlash against our upbringings. Some people learn through having several children that having a neat and tidy house is not the most important thing in the world. They learn that things are not so very important – as most of them get broken or spoiled.

Growing older, knowing different people, I have learnt to appreciate these and other differences. I must say, it is a great place to be.

I used to be much more black and white and I would get hung up on inconsequential traits in people. I would struggle to integrate with a variety of people. This is one thing about getting older that I would never want reversed.

To live in harmony with a great many and variety of people is a real blessing and I hope to do it better and better, more generously and graciously as the years flit by.

I hope to instill in my children this attitude of adaptability, not taking on unfounded criticism of themselves and also not living in a critical spirit toward other people.

Critical, resentful people can never be happy. Thankful people will always be happy.

N.B. For further study read/watch: Pollyanna (the children are watching this with their grandma at the moment. Let’s hope they take some of her almost sickly ‘gladness’ on board! haha.)

April 19, 2013
These days

Last week was a very tiring one. I won’t say ‘the most tiring of my life’ because that would not necessarily be true. There are many momentous moments in life and ones that tucker you out more than moving house like having a new baby – or for that matter just being pregnant, starting a new job, travelling away from home or organising a wedding, but the thing about moving house is that there is very little that is pleasant about it. Sure, perhaps the only good thing is that new house, but it’s just another house. You’ve just changed houses. In our case it’s not yet even another house (or bus, let’s just say), though it is extremely nice to be living in this large house on this large property in rural NSW. The aftermath of moving follows you like a stray dog. That final house inspection, changing addresses with thirty-odd interested parties & unpacking those boxes. I still can’t quite believe that that house I’ve known for so long, those couches, that home of my children’s first years is mine no longer! (Not that it ever truly was.)

With routine and rhythm thrown out the car window as we drove off into the sunset we are facing a varied reality.

Time at mum & dads was brief as we were out at Sutton every day for five days packing and cleaning. Thankfully I managed to spend a bit of time walking with the kids in the bush and on the oval of my youth.

Mum was so good to watch my kids, with no complaints as ever, but by the end she was exhausted. I don’t know if I could’ve done it without that patient help.

We passed this guy as we walked down to the oval. I was struck by his presence as I realised that this fellow, selling ‘fresh flowers’, has been here in his van – possibly even the same van! – every day since I can remember – 20 odd years! It is an anomaly in this day of fast changing, fast paced, high profile, ambitious careers. I was struck and I was also thankful. It is so nice to have something that remains steady and unchanging – even if just for one lifetime.

The end of the week came, house inspection over, I took the kids to see our old house on the way out of town for closure’s sake, and as we headed out we literally drove off into the sunset.

It sunk into me and I thought:

‘This feels good. This is right. This is what we need right now.’

Though it is somewhat bittersweet, with relationships I will miss, people I will long for. I still feel that for me, for my family, this is the logical, natural and proper course forward for us.

I drove away and I felt the walls fall off my life.

April 17, 2013
Birthday Party

Just before moving out I managed to squeeze in a birthday party for Sophia. I don’t know if I was slightly crazy to do this. It sure was busy!

Pictures tell many words and my brain is only halfway functional, so here’s the story:

And a false start to filming Sophias end of term dance. This picture actually gives a very good impression of what this performance was like. My parents and I were crying with quiet laughter. Sophia got way into it. Good for her.

April 15, 2013
Perfect houses.

I really liked this quote from here.

White is great when it’s a color amongst other colors, but when it’s meant only to contain, suppress, and keep other colors at bay, you may want to resist its temptation. Our lives aren’t “pure” and “perfect,” and our homes don’t have to be either.

I’m not huge on interior decorating, my homes just ending up a collection of the things I have and find, rather than a purposeful project. I do appreciate beautiful homes and I have definite ideas about our future home (which, in my mind, features mostly natural materials, feeling unable to improve on nature).

But this quote summarizes a lot of what a feel about life. Our lives are not perfect and we shouldn’t try to pretend they are.

I’m sure I will talk about this in future, as one thing coming up in my uni course is the emergence of ‘the working poor’, those who accept and get into mahoosive amounts of debt in order to have large and perfect (and unsustainable) homes. Apparently Australians have always been like this as witnessed and commented on by Charles Darwin in his 1836 visit:

“…the whole population, poor and rich, are bent on acquiring wealth…the number of large houses and other buildings just finished is truly surprising; nevertheless everyone complains of the high rent and the difficulty of acquiring a home.”

From “Sydney/Purgatorio,” by Craig San Roque in Psyche and the City, Edited by Thomas Singer, as quoted in Linley Luttons Viva la Revolution (2010)

So, this phenomenon has been around for a long time and I wonder if the tide can be turned simply by consumers refusing to endorse these exorbitant amounts of debt and build smaller houses more within their limits.

Really, there is much more to life than living in perfect, large houses.

P.S. It’s good to be back on this blog. We have been very busy and tired from packing up our home. We have basically managed to fit all of our worldly possessions on the back of a truck (a very small truck – basically a glorified ute!), and Henry still thinks we could get rid of more. Hopefully life will settle into a rhythm once more. We are moving to Young, NSW in two days and will settle there for 6-8 weeks while we build our bus – talking about small homes!

April 14, 2013
Possum Visit

We have a ‘pet’ possum who lives in our roof. Every now and then she thunders across our ceiling or over our roof. There is a tree right up against our house and it forms a bridge to the plum tree at our fence. That is where she feasts every night on plum leaves and whatever she can find on the lawn. We toss our apple cores under the tree and I guess she picks them up. Actually, there are two. A mummy and a baby. I’m not sure if baby has grown up and left home, and I’m not sure if our visitor the other night was mum or bub, but it was one of them.

And actually, on thoughts, it might be that baby as Henry has been feeding it out of his hand since he was able to toddle away from his mummy months ago. And we fed this one.

He also weed our food – after we had eaten it all. It was perfect timing actually – if being weed on can be thought of like that. Pete and Jen had just taken the last bun and filled it with the Philly Cheese Steak filling, noone was sitting at the table at this point and then down came a shower! We couldn’t eat any more of that Cheese Steak, but there wasn’t much there, and when you have dogs and chooks food is rarely wasted – especially steak. Chester was pleased!

Speaking of chooks. We have them no more. We were oh so sad to see our lovely chickens off to Pete and Jens new place this night. They are the loveliest chickens I’ve ever had. We are only happy because we have sent them to a good home. We are very happy about that.

Today is full of cleaning blinds, flyscreens, bathroom and prepping for Sophias party. Goals. Wish me luck!

Even though we are having a PINK party, she is dead set on a Merry-Go-Round cake, and so, thanks to Canon Creative Park, I am making a paper merry go round for the top. This week is not the week for complicated cake decorating! I just hope I get it all done. If I get off the internet now I guess I will! Farewell.

If things go quiet, you will know that I am caught up with the move.

xo

April 5, 2013